Monthly Archives: October 2010
Warning… part two is a little fucked up.. read on if you must
Ok I left off on how I didn’t really talk much or associate with the two of them anymore. Well it was 21st birthday celebration and the decided to meet some friends of mine and I out for a few drinks. They only stayed for one or two and left because they got in some sort of argument.
Fast forward to the next morning at like 6am. (I’m a little..ok a lot hungover) I get a call from Angie… which is unusual because she never calls me. She told me she needed me to come pick her up and take her to the hospital. I was very confused and asked why. She said she took too many pills and needed me to come get her. This didn’t make too much sense at the time but I got in the car and went to get her. The drive was about 20 minutes, so on the way I call her again, maybe a little pissed off because I felt like I wasn’t getting the whole truth. I ask her, why can’t Kara take you, what is really going on, are you ok etc.. She then tells me something I never expected. She say’s Darc, it’s not me, it’s Kara, she tried to commit suicide, the ambulance won’t let me ride with her because I’m not family…..
Cue me get so sick to my stomach. I was dry heaving and thought I was going to have to pull over. I was shaking and freaking out. I pull up to their house and there are 3 cop cars in the driveway and poor Ang sitting on the front porch waiting for me.
I won’t go into details on how Kara committed suicide, but she went to heaven the following day.
I later find out from Ang that Kara had been abused by an uncle when she was 9 and had attempted suicide once before. It was something that she just couldn’t deal with.
I know that part sucked to tell but part of our journey together. Since that day I never left Ang alone, I was with her all the time, I grieved with her, I got shitfaced with her, I was a dear friend to her. I never had a friendship with Angie and over the next months we grew extremely close. It felt right and wrong all at the same time. I was happy when I was with her and embarrassed about what I was doing when I wasn’t. This went on for a full year. I would now call it dating but back then didn’t want to admit to anything of the sort. No one knew about what was going on between us. I just knew that I wasn’t gay and that this was a fling or something experimental.
Angie never pushed for anything more but I knew secretly she wanted a relationship.
I think when it all clicked for me was 1 1/2 after Kara had passed (a 1 1/2 of dating) in Sept, and Ang and I were laying in bed talking. She told me she was going to do a travel contract in California because nothing here was holding her back and she was ready to get out of Kansas. It clicked for me because at that moment I realized, I didn’t want her to go, she couldn’t go, what would I do without her, I love her! I convinced her to stay but didn’t fully commit to the relationship until November 14th. Ang loves this next part because this is how I came out to my mom… We were @ Khols shopping and in the check out line. She says something about are you dating anyone right now? I just blurted out, Yes, Angie. I think my mom cried and what not, but I told my mom we were dating and together before I told ang! I called Ang so proud that I came out to my mom and told her we were dating and she was like …we are? Haha. The rest is history. It has all come so naturally and so easily and I’m happier than I ever have been! We made it official this past January in Whistler, Canada!
So that’s our crazy story… I’m glad I could share with you guys!
Well, only one question so far and here it is,
Melissa asked… How did you two meet and end up as a couple.
This question also includes my coming out story… So here it is
It was my junior year of college (August) and I had just started nursing school. The nursing school I went to was a completely different school from where I did my first two years of pre-requisites, so I knew no one. My boyfriend of 2 1/2 years was living 3 hours away at the time as he was two years older and had gotten a big boy job. We maintained a ok long distance relationship and did a lot of driving back and forth. About a month of nursing school had passed and I had still made no friends! We had to pair up one day in class and I by default got paired up with the only other girl in class who didn’t have a partner. Her name was Kara. She was quiet and mostly kept to herself but we got along great and become best buds. We sat in class together, studied together, made sure we got the same clinicals together and started hanging out outside of class. She often/always talked about her “roommate” Angie, who was already a nurse. We ended up having clinicals at the hospital and on the same floor the Angie worked on. It was only then I put two and two together and realized ooooo duh… they aren’t roommates…they are girlfriends. I confronted Kara about it, and she confirmed, saying she didn’t want to tell me because she thought I might be prejudice to their relationship. I remember thinking who cares. I grew up knowing about gays/lesbians, and thought it wasn’t my thing but never cared or judged the people that were. After Kara knew I was ok with everything our outings outside of school started to include Angie as well. When I first met Angie I knew she didn’t care for me. She didn’t really talk much, wasn’t friendly, and seemed like a bitch. I was indifferent to her. I wanted to get along with her b/c she was Kara’s girlfriend.
I’m not exactly sure when it happened, but my feelings for Kara started to change. I found myself attracted to her and thinking constantly of ways to get closer to her, touch her and hang out more with her. Those thoughts then progressed to me thinking I wanted to kiss her. We were sitting in my driveway one night after studying and I bursted out to her that I wanted to kiss her. She agreed to it and that night I had my first girl kiss. I had kissed girls in highschool and college, but it was all druken nights and only happened to get attention from other people. This was very different from those nights. The three of us were hanging out almost 3-4 times a week and it was usually at a bar getting plastered. I started to find myself attracted to Angie as well and a sexual relationship began with her. Now looking back I get how unhealthy it all was and I often felt like a home wrecker. They always made it known they were both ok with me being involved with both of them. I told the girls I wasn’t gay and this kissing between the both of them was just a drunk thing. So maybe that’s why we went and drank all the time? If Kara was working I would go out with Angie and if Angie was working I would hang out with Kara.
I felt very ashamed of myself. One, I was cheating on my boyfriend, two, I was doing a bad thing with girls. My close friends knew about them and that we were often together, but I always denied having anything romantic going on with them. I fought with my inner self 24/7. I cried, was confused but mostly didn’t want to have anything to do with them.
It was now March/April. I continued to stay friends with Kara at school but backed away from the situation 100% . I didn’t hang out much with them anymore and things seemed better. I felt better about not having to lie to anyone anymore.
Ok, that can be Part one… because this is getting long, but the back story is just as important!
Stay tuned for part two! And please ask more questions!!
Well since nothing new to report with TCC, you all have probably seen I have been my updating the blog look! What do you think of the new look?!
Also, I guess I’m jumping on the bandwagon and reaching out to you guys to keep me occupied! So I am ready for some questions! Ask anything about myself or Ang… ANYTHING!
We have a Halloween costume party to go tonight that should be interesting. I’m going as Snow White and Ang is a pirate. I will try to post some pictures!
In less than a month we are going home to Kansas for a whole two weeks! I’m so excited to see my family and old friends. It will be nice to just relax, not work, and catch up with everyone.
Well we went in this morning for our ultrasound to see how my little follies were doing. And little follies they were…
I guess I almost expected this, which is why I’m completely ok with the decision we made. My lining was great @ 12mm, however only ONE follicle again measuring at 19mm.
We collectively made the decision to cancel this cycle and try for next month only because
1) The doner we really like only had 4 iui vials left ( we purchased them all) and they aren’t sure when he would donate more. Therefore we have already used one and want to make our other three tries really count
2) I’m still not responding AT ALL to the clomid. We know it only takes one to get pregnant, but would like to give ourselves better odds taking in account our finical issues and limited sperm
SO.. next cycle we will go to combo drugs. 50mg of Clomid and injectables. I’m not sure yet which injectables we will be using yet, but feeling hopeful that my body will respond to them!
I’m feeling a little bummed but also very ok with what we have decided.
As the insemination and dreaded two week wait get closer, it has made me think more about this cycle.
As much as I felt like I wasn’t stressing and over analyzing things this last cycle… I knew I was.
This cycle I’m taking a new approach and am feeling already good about it! I’m just not going to worry/think about things. I haven’t let myself have caffeine or alcohol the past two cycles and have decided that hell, if I want a cup of coffee or a few beers after work, I am going to have them!
I think by depriving myself of certain things during my wait, did in a round about way make me constantly think about the TTC process!
So cool as a cucumber will be my new slogan this time around! I go in for my scan in two days and am feeling positive.
We need some positive things to happen for us bloggers! Pom is the only one with luck around here! Congrats again by the way!
Today I will enjoy being lazy on the couch and watching Sunday football! Go Chiefs!
On the TTC end… we have a ultrasound on Tuesday to see if my follicles are growing. I pray there is more than one this time! Insemination is tentatively for Thursday!